I use to cry every day. I just noticed that I don't anymore.I sometimes cry when I visit Bob's grave. But then, sometimes I don't. I was listening to an acquaintance talk about a meeting that she had with a recent widow. About the sigh of relief
the new widow felt, the feeling of almost freedom. The acquaintance said that she hoped that she wouldn't have that feeling. That it wasn't a good thing to remember your husband like that. She doesn't know. She doesn't get it. She isn't a care giver
of many, many years. She hasn't experienced that constant vigilance, the being responsible for two lives, the messiness sometimes, the loneliness , even when you are together. That is the freedom that her friend was talking about. The freedom that her friend
was talking about wasn't the freedom to run away, to do crazy things. She was talking about the freedom to have breathing room, to not sit alone at a restaurant table while your spouse stays too long in the bathroom, or worry that you should send someone
in to check on him, or is there another door that he could have gone through.You still remember good times, shared times,special moments, but not the days when your personal life didn't belong to you. It's OK to feel free. I know what her
friend was saying.