Our Rabbi this Friday spoke on what you shouldn't say when visiting a house of bereavement or some one who is ill. I can relate to that. I have my favorite " what not to say" sentence. It is "It was for the best". You might say that because it was the
best for you , but maybe death wasn't an option for the family who just lost a loved one. I think people mean well when they say this, and I know I've thought it, but what I think that expression is saying is , I couldn't handle this sickness, or death, so
for me to not have to even have this happen to a friend ,is better for me.Death and sickness are messy. I'll happen to everyone .The Rabbi's advice is ,don't say anything. Just be there. Be sorry. Say just that. Mean it .