NEW PAGE ------------NEW DAY

I can tell that someone other than me refilled the toilet paper roll. The toilet paper is facing the wrong way. It needs to unroll over the roll, not from the back. This doesn't work for me and I will have to change the tissue to go the right way. I didn't realize that I was so anul, but I guess that I am. Also, I don't like to give a taste of my food to anyone when we are in a restuarant. I order it and I plan on eating it all. I won't eat yours , so don't eat mine. I'll share a dish if we discuss it before hand. I don't understand why I am so selfish about what I have ordered. Must be something that happened when I was a child !

It used to be that I had a tantrum if anyone sat in my chair at the dinner table. Now I don't care. Sit anywhere. I grew up using a formal dining room every dinner. We dressed for dinner, in that I had to be clean and wear a dress. I never saw my father without a long sleeved white shirt at dinner. Our dining room had a buzzer under the table so that my Mother could call into the kitchen. It just came with the apartment. There was no one in the kitchen to answer the buzzer, but it was fun to know that it was there.

I'm trying to think if I have any other hang ups. Is it a hang up if you have to have everything folded in a certain way? I don't let my husband fold sheets, towels, or my clothes. And the hangers all have to be facing the same way. This is getting serious. I didn't know this about myself.I wish that I could be as neat in other areas of my life. Like my desk which is covered with papers, my sock drawer is a mess, and the interior of our car is a disgrace. It's never too late to acknowledge these short comings and try to at least straighted my sock drawer.

I just had this very simplestic thought. If God created everything that was created in seven days,and took one of those days off, how come I can hardly fit in the insignificant, by comparison, things that I have to do in the same seven days ? One of us is an over acheiver. This week will be a challenge. I think that I need an extra day to fit it all in. I have found that usually everything does get done,but I am not quite sure how it happens. One bit of advice to myself is to just do one thing until it is finished and then go to the next. That seems to work for me, even though there sometimes is some multi tasking involved.I can play Solitaire on the computer and talk on the phone at the same time! I can walk Cricket and pray at the same time. What's hard is trying to keep two appointments at the same time. It's been done, but I've been really early for one and late for the other.

Why I bring this all up is because this will be a very busy week for me. I have more things that I want to do than I can see having time for them. Everything is something that I want to do.Everything that I am planning on doing will give me pleasure. It'll work out, but I feel the need to give myself a pep talk. It is never too late to extend myself because the alternative would be really boring.

I was asked if all of my essays are upbeat. Yes.

I wake up that way. It's like a character flaw.

It's the same flaw that makes me get up early.It just is.

I do think I am beginning to have a problem that might become a downer. I have prided myself on being able to drink a cup of Starbuck strength coffee and then fall asleep for the night. Now, I can still do that, but a piece of Hershey milk chocolate bar keeps me stimulated and awake for hours. This is worrisome. I will not give up chocolate. I grew up eating Hershy bars (with a cold Coke). Denying myself this piece of chocolate could be the end of my childhood.

Could I now have to eat dessert first because I have a medical reason. Maybe it is the milk in the milk chocolate.! But babies drink milk and fall asleep. I will have to experiment with dark chocolate. This will be carried out in a scientific manner . Blind tasting. I will do it over a period of  several nights . I think I should alternate because if it is true that I am sensitive to the caffeine in chocolate, I want to be able to sleep every other night. It's never too late to find out the real reason why I get wakeful with milk chocolate, maybe it's just the stimulating company I keep.

I am thinking that many people have a special place that they remember fondly. I have two such places. And I use them as a " mind get away". ( I may have made this term up.) Sometimes, when the world does stop at my corner and I am overwhelmed, these are the places I go to. One place is in Mexico where we used to go . The Mexican government wanted to make this coastal town a tourist destination, where before it had been a small fishing village. The government spared no expense to drop tons of white ,soft sand there. A few hotels were built and they tried to entice tourists. It worked. We started going before it became so upscale. And it was wonderful. We brought a bag of books and swim suits. That's about all we needed. We would walk to town for dinner and then sit in the town square and watch the families come and go. I loved that place. And in my head, I go there, a lot.I don't need anyone else to be there in my head with me. I just sit in a beach chair and watch the bluest water in the world and day dream.

The other place I go in my head ,is Colorado, to the mountains. I always had such a wonderful time there. I didn't need to climb a mountain to go into an out of body experience. Just sitting on the porch of the rented cabin ,looking at that Colorado blue sky and watching clouds was enough for me. I go there in my head now, too.

Everyone needs their special space. And everyone needs to take time for themselves. Everyone needs not to feel guilty when they go to these spaces by themselves. It's what helps us get past that lump in the throat, or that sick feeling in the pit of the stomach, when things aren't right in our world. It doesn't make these things go away,but it's never too late to spend some time in your special space . Then you can get back on the world .

I find it a surprise that so many of us are normal when I hear talk of the wrongs that our parents did to us. How did we ever overcome our childhood ? There is a line I've included in the Hagadah that I wrote for our family use. It says, in effect, that our parents did the best that they could. I believe that. I wonder how I would have responded to being sent to a new country, in a hugh ship, by myself, without knowing what is at the voyage end, who would speak my language , who would come for me, not knowing where I was going and I am a 13 year old girl. Would I have some problems adjusting, would I have a few hangups. Probably. My mother was the first of her family to come to the US. She was a hard worker. She didn't talk about her early life here. It couldn't have been easy. Maybe I should give her some slack.

I think I learned a lot from my aloof parent. I learned to be lavious with praise, to show respect for our children, to applaude their acheivements, those mastered and those that came close. I became a better person because I choose a different path from the one I grew up with. It's never too late to change your mind about your parents, they did the best they could.

Ever notice how good fresh brewed coffee smells. I really like a good cup of coffee, but even I think that it smells better than it sometimes tastes.I don't know how people can drink flavored coffee.They can not legitimately say that they are coffee drinkers. They are drinking flavored hot water. Now, I , am a coffee drinker. To us, it is an event. We have mathematically figured out the ratio of water to bean. Only the head of the house makes it. It is his speciality.(oatmeal, too)  We make it in small batches. We send to Chicago for our coffee. I did stop getting the beans and grinding my own. We left our grinder at our cottage . It was part of the sale.

I feel embarassed that we no longer grind our own coffee. It's like I surrendered a part of me. I'll get over it. We had a coffee maker that ground the beans and then brewed it all in the same machine. I haven't found another one like that. I'm sure there is one on the market, but right now, we are happy with our beans from Chicago and a Mr. Coffee.The Mr Coffee machine embarasses me too. When I order my coffee, I tell them to grind it for a Melitta. I don't want them to know I am using such a generally available coffee machine.

We drink our coffee black, no sugar. I come from a city that drinks really strong coffee with chicory. There you put milk in your coffee, and sugar. A lot of both. When I moved to the midwest, I couldn't drink that same combination using regular coffee. It was like drinking a dessert. So I learned how to drink my coffee black and hold the sugar.The people at the coffee exchange in Chicago know me by name . I am on first name basis with them. Occasionally, I will order a different bean, but I always go back to French/Italian ,ground for a Melitta.

Israeli's take their coffee seriously, too. I'll fit right in.

It's never too late to brew another cup of coffee, just not after 8 PM.

It is my routine to have my first cup of coffee in bed. I surround myself with the newspaper, my Kindle Fire, this little computer,and my new Ipad. I'm so electronic that I'm surprised I don't glow. Also Cricket is sharing space with me. This is her loving time. It's been hours since she got attention and she will make up for it , right now. Then she goes back to sleep. I have to wake her for her walk. I've never had a dog like this. It's nice. I get to read the entire paper without interuption. And even have a second cup of coffee , if I want it.

I have to give recognition to my paperlady. She is so good about delivering the paper to the right spot almost every day. I can tell when she is off. One of our daughters delivered the morning paper, in the mountains. That could be scary. Not a lot of street lights to guide you and that white stuff was snow. Also, the roads were not flat. I am sure the money was minimal, but it was a pay check when she needed it. Every year, our newslady puts a self addressed envelope and a Christmas card in our paper. It is a gratuity well earned.

I have this quiet time in the morning because the world isn't up yet and I can't make too much noise, or call people up ,or even take Cricket for a walk. She went back to bed.

If I used my time better, I could think great thoughts, solve world problems, or make a list. But usually I just sit here and think how good life will be today.

It's never too late to remember that each day has the potential for being a ""have a good one" day.

I always liked to dress for any event I was participating in. When I ran, I had all of the trappings. The shoes, the watch that I could never figure out how to work, the baseball cap,the right "T" shirt. If I didn't have on the right  shirt ,how would the other runners know which running events I had already done.? My proudest shirt is the New York marathon. The second is the Marine Corp.The shirts that have the logos of Gerber Baby Food or Grandma on the front aren't that impressive.

When I biked, I needed the shoes that clipped onto the pedals. Never mind that I fell over a couple of times when I stopped because I forgot that I was still attached to the bike. I'm not that much into swimming, so I was strictly business when I was training for a tri. Swim cap, googles and a basic tank suit.

Now my trappings are related to my new found interest. The Orchestra. Black skirt or pants and a white blouse. Plus my new collapsable music stand , a small LED light for dark concert halls (?), an electronic tuner, several chin rests, because I can't make up my mind yet which one feels better and a black binder for my music. And of course, the violin case. I bought the wrong one. Mine is too big. I need to get one that is shaped like the violin so people know that I play one. The case that I have now,could hold any instrument. I didn't know better when I ordered it. I think that I am stuck with this one for awhile. Unless I can sell it to some newbie.

It's never too late to dress the part, it tells the world who you are, or who you would like to be. Nothing wrong with that.

Remember "Stop the World I want to get off"? Not me. I want to get on . I don't want to miss anything . I want the world to stop at my corner. Because I am still trying to get rid of this cold, I took yesterday off. I sat, and sat. I had 3 workmen , plus their boss working in a small bathroom. I did nothing of substance.The world didn't stop, I didn't get much better, and nothing much changed. That just proves my point. Nothing changes if you don't get "on the world". I guess I am talking myself into being active, engaged, participating, being a player in life. Sounds good. Sounds busy. Sounds productive. Sounds like the me I want to be.

Since I already believe that the reason we live so much longer is so that we can do so much more , my world will have to enlarge. I need to go global. I need to make a list. I need to focus. I need to get rid of my cold.

I need to remember that it is never too late to catch the next challenge as it stops on my door step.

No one enjoys a person who whines and complains,and is a downer, but , sometimes it is just too hard to stay up beat. The reality of your life hits you in the face and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Unless you change. The reality is what it is, so it's either you change or you sink into a hope. Freudian, but I just wrote hope when I meant hole. I never noticed the the words are separated by 2 keys on my keyboard.That must mean something to a person who looks for signs everywhere. I count flower petals, I count the blocks of tile in the shower. Yes,No,Yes, I'll pass the Nursing Boards the first time, No, the lab will come back bad.

I am on the stage of life. I watch the audience, I don't like what I see. Sitting in the audience I see the shell of a former active loved one, the slipping memory of what was once a person with creative ideas, a decision maker who no longer can make decisions. My life is changing and I am not liking it right now.

One thing that I like about being Jewish is that it encourages you to make your choices. There is no official dogma. I was given a set of ground rules, now it is up to me to figure out what to do with them.

I am going to keep the past because it was good, but I will skip the present and fast forward to a future.

It is never too late to look at life in a different way,to accept what I cannot change, not dwell on it, but change the way I look at my { hope} hole.

I'm going to cook next week with a friend. We will plan our cooking duet , making sure we have the ingredients and meet in my kitchen. My kitchen is small, but that has never stopped me from marathon cooking events. I'm looking forward to our joint effort. Some people meet for a glass of wine after work, some meet for coffee in the morning, we will meet to catch up, laugh, cry over chopped onions and in the end, sit down as a family, to eat. There is something so comfortable about sharing a small space, a sharp knife , and a healthy palate with a friend.

I used to do this with a daughter before we moved to paradise. We did 3 or 4 soups at a time. I am a great vegetable dicer. She was better at sauteing. What a team. And the end results were soups for many days, neatly stocked in the freezer.

It's never too late, to get out that large soup pot that I carried from Chicago to Paradise and put it to good use--stirring up some comfort and making a new family.